20 Reasons Why I’ve Never had a Boyfriend

Yes, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I am 22 years old I have never had a boyfriend.

With Valentines Day coming up (the day of the year I most resent) I was inspired by a similar post (Confessions of a Hopeless Introvert), and I decided to come up with my own list of reasons why I’m alone. Only my list doesn’t just explain my current relationship status (single) but my seemingly permanent one (forever alone girl?). Being a psychology major, naturally I am a bit crazy, and of course I psychoanalyse myself!
So here are the results of my self-analysis – my 20 reasons why I have never had a boyfriend:

     1. I’m an introvert, I’m shy AND I’m a Virgo
Not all introverts are shy, but I just so happen to be both.
Whether you believe in star signs or not, I am also the poster-child of a Virgo girl – organised, critical and I keep my emotions hidden (I can appear cold). With these 3 factors combined I can be a socially awkward mess!

     2.I have trust issues
I was raised to be very cynical about everyone I meet, and to always think about people’s ulterior motives.
My parents’ loveless (and at times quite spiteful) marriage also makes me question whether the whole ‘true love’ thing and ‘soul-mates’ really exist.

Suspicious Homer Simpson

     3. I don’t get out enough 
I’m a homebody. I enjoy putting on my trackies (track pants), dressing gown and slippers, and then snacking on chocolate or something equally delicious in front of the TV. I also don’t have a lot of spare time and money to be going out so often. This means that I don’t put myself in enough social situations that could lead me to meeting a potential future boyfriend.

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     4. I’m picky
I’m only interested in guys who:
a) I find physically attractive b) are not players c) have some similar interests and d) can make me laugh.
Seems reasonable enough, right? The first two criterion are what I have trouble with. It is rare that I am attracted to someone – so much so that for a while I actually thought I was asexual! Also, the only places I am ever approached by guys are in clubs and pubs – which is basically where most guys go looking for a one night stand. No thank you.

        5. My friends are better looking than me (I’m invisible)
Here is a perfect example. A couple of months ago my friends and I were out at a club. We had just ordered a delicious cocktail jug, and we were pouring it into each of our glasses. Next thing I know, I turn around and this super hot guy is talking to one of my friends. He doesn’t even glace in my direction. It turns out he is incredibly smart as well as good looking, but my friend wasn’t overly excited about it (she is used to being hit on).  She still gave him her number and later agreed to go on a date. One date later and she says she isn’t really interested. I pretend to sympathise while at the same time feeling like shaking her. Good looking guys just seem to look straight past me and only notice my friends. I also often have people (woman, men, old and young) crash into me on street because they didn’t see me there. I am invisible.

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     6. I don’t know how to flirt
I will only think of something cute or witty to say several hours after the conversation, or I don’t even realise at all when someone is trying to flirt with me.

     7. I don’t have a lot of friends
Everyone knows that one of the best ways to meet new guys is through friends of friends. This is obviously an issue when you don’t have a lot of friends. I prefer to have a small, close, trustworthy group of friends than be part of a huge social circle. Granted, I could do with more friends in my circle but I take a while to trust people, and I’m almost as selective with my friends as I am with guys.

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    8. I’m average-looking & I like to dress comfortably 
Guys are just not into me because appearance-wise I look pretty average. I just don’t draw their attention (see reason #5). No gorgeous voluminous locks, or exotic dark tan,or super long lashes. Just me; fair skinned, slim, with straight brown hair and blue-grey eyes. I also like to dress comfortably. This means you can often find me wearing a pair of skinny jeans, converse shoes and a t-shirt. It’s comfy, but it’s not sexy or attention-grabbing, but I just can’t get the motivation to get dressed up to go shopping or to the movies. On a night out I will dress up nicely, but even then I am still the very average-looking girl.

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     9. I get the urge to flee or reject a guy when they approach me
I have no experience talking to attractive guys who are interested in me. So when I am in that situation (very rarely) I freak the hell out and try to make an excuse to get away from him and back to the safety of my friends. Often I may not even be sure if I’m attracted to the guy before I flee. This anxiety often makes me seem hostile or cold, which is so not who I really am.

     10. I went to an all-girls high school
I never made guy friends during high school, had the chance to be asked to the school formal in the corridors, or learned how to talk to guys I like. You may think this is irrelevant now, at age 22, but it’s not. I missed that basic foundation of dating life that would help me once I left school.

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     11. I lived at home while I studied at university
Growing up I’d watch American films and TV shows where kids leaving high school would on to ‘college’ (uni), which would mean moving out of their parents house into a dorm room. This is not very common in Australia to do, as most people keep living at home and make the commute to uni by public transport. I feel like living at college is an experience that I could have really benefited from. It would have been an opportunity to make more friends than I did during my time at uni (not many) and maybe get a chance to date somebody, but it was far too expensive.

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     12. All the guys I’m attracted to already have a girlfriend
Don’t they always?

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     13. I don’t enjoy clubbing & drinking a lot, or dancing in public
Now you probably think I’m a complete bore. But, whatever. Who in their 20’s doesn’t enjoy these things? Me…
I explained why I don’t like clubbing and drinking in my last post. As for dancing in public…as I said I am shy!
The problem is, a lot of girls meet their boyfriends in clubs, they dance with them and alcohol helps to make sure everything runs smoothly.

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14. I suffer from BRF (Bitchy Resting Face)
See my first post

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     15. I worry about a guy I like finding out how inexperienced I am
And as the years pass the more embarrassing it gets.

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     16. I don’t want the same thing boys want at my age
I’m sure you can guess this one.

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17. I worry about what my friends think
My main opportunity to meet guys is at bars and clubs. On the very rare occasion that I’ll go and someone approaches me I am constantly aware that my friends are watching the whole time. They know my lack of experience, and I feel embarrassed with them peeking over at me, and I guess judging me and/or the guy I am talking to. I know I shouldn’t give a damn, because they are my friends and they really do care about me, but it bothers me nevertheless.

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     18. The boys I like don’t seem interested, the ones I don’t like at all wont leave me alone
I guess most girls can relate to this one!

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     19. I’m reluctant to date people I’ve met online
Is it so much to want my first boyfriend to be someone I met in the real world? I wouldn’t mind stooping to online dating so much if I actually had dating experience in the first place.

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     20. Not proactive – fear of rejection
My anxiety about being publicly rejected and humiliated stops me from approaching guys myself. I’m certain nearly all of the time that the person I like is completely out of my league (which may not be that far from the truth).

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If you’re still there you are probably exhausted by the almost novel-length list and certain that I am super neurotic, or you have had a fit on the floor from all the flashy gifs. Sorry about that, I got a bit carried away!

Can you at all relate to my nauseatingly long list of reasons why I don’t have a boyfriend?

An Introvert’s Rant About Clubbing

Clubbing

Clubbing. Hundreds of people. No personal space. Drunk creeps stumbling after you. It is definitely not a favourite pastime of mine.

Every month or so my friends demand that we all ‘go out’ together one night. Unfortunately this refers to clubbing. Don’t get me wrong, I love to dress up, see my friends, and listen to great music, but having to spend the night avoiding creeps that won’t leave you alone, and lining up for ten minutes for a $15 drink that is half ice, after you just paid a hefty entry fee is so not my idea of a great Saturday night. Instead, I’d rather spend it having a movie marathon at home on the couch with a tub of chocolate ice cream! Now that is bliss!

A night out clubbing normally starts with me spending forever figuring out what the hell to wear. I feel obliged to wear high heels that will cause me to be in agony within a few hours, and so I wear them. I struggle to apply half-decent make-up and then I head over to my friend’s house for ‘pre’s’ (pre-drinks) and naturally as always I feel like I don’t look anywhere as nice as my friends do. Even if I left my house thinking I looked quite good, they always seem to pull off their outfit better. I know that sounds shallow, and it is not like I always have to look better than them, but it would be nice if I felt that way just once.

My friends would pull the alchopops (pre-mixed alcoholic drinks) out of the fridge, and encourage me to drink up. I really don’t enjoy alcohol. I don’t mind having a drink or two, but I like to stop there. One of my friends in particular always is telling me to drink more, and if I don’t then I am ‘boring’ or ‘annoying’. It frustrates me that she refuses to listen when I tell her I don’t want any more, or that I don’t want to spend any more money on alcohol. Admittedly the alcohol does seem to assist with my social awkwardness, but the splitting headache and aching stomach the next day is so not worth it.

After taking the train into the city we head into a club. The music is so loud you have to yell in each other’s ear to hear each other. There is nowhere to sit and my feet are already starting to hurt in my high heels. We line up for a drink, and so has everyone else in the club it seems. The bar is hopelessly understaffed as always, and so we spend half the time there waiting to get the bartender’s attention. Finally we have our drinks, and my friends want to dance. Being an introvert, and at times quite shy, I really don’t like dancing in public. I awkwardly dance with my drink in one hand. As always two of my friends suddenly have guys trying to get them to ‘dance’ with them (aka grind). That’s another thing I cannot stand about clubbing. Why can’t guys just dance with girls like the way girls dance with their friends? Why do they have to ‘grind’ their groin against the back of you while you, horrified, try and escape? Maybe I’m being a prude, but really? I don’t even know who you are, random guy, give me some damn personal space! And if I move further away, that is not an opportunity for you to follow me and ignore my attempts to escape!

At last when my friends have had enough of clubbing I try to figure out the easiest and cheapest way to get home in the middle of the night. Another $50 is likely to go down the drain because I have had to hail a cab. When I arrive home I flop onto my bed and sleep as best I can with the constant ringing in my ears from the loud music. I drift off to sleep and dream of that movie marathon on the couch. Maybe next time.

When an Introvert Attends an Interview…

Yesterday I had an interview. I hate interviews. As soon as I get contacted for an interview I get excited for about 5 minutes before that feeling turns to utter dread. I tense up, my stomach hurts a little. I try not to think about it but that seems almost impossible.

I arrived at my interview on time, remembered to shake the hand of both my interviewers before I sat down and then I was bombarded with a list of questions for 45 minutes.

‘Tell me, how would you describe yourself in 3 words?’ one of my interviewers inquired. My mind went blank. I had no idea. ‘An introvert, quiet’, I thought. God that’s the last thing they want to hear. In just about every job ad I’ve seen lately they say they are looking for someone who is ‘enthusiastic’, ‘motivated’ and ‘energetic’, AKA an ‘extrovert’. Yes, most introverts are aware that we live in an extrovert’s world, but it really gets so tiring pretending to be someone I’m not.

‘Organised…………outgoing…reliable’ was my final response. I had felt compelled to lie. I am organised and reliable but no one I know would ever call me ‘outgoing’. ‘Adventurous’ maybe, ‘friendly’ for sure, but not ‘outgoing’.

Finally the interview was over and in my haste to get the hell out of there I forgot to shake my interviewer’s hand. Oops, that was pretty unprofessional. Just to top things off once I had taken the lift down to street level and went to the automatic doors, the doors refused to open for me so I had to stand there like an idiot, moving back and forth trying to get it to open.

Now I can only wait to discover whether I got the job. I almost don’t want the job any more. The role involves answering the phones and ‘great communication skills’ are listed as a requirement. In other words I will have to put on a facade, a mask. I know I should look for roles that don’t require my extroverted mask, but unfortunately most of those jobs just hold no interest for me. Hopefully one day soon I will work my way up to a role where I can be who I want. Until then I will be known to my interviewers and future employers as the ‘organised, outgoing, reliable extrovert’.