20 Reasons Why I’ve Never had a Boyfriend

Yes, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I am 22 years old I have never had a boyfriend.

With Valentines Day coming up (the day of the year I most resent) I was inspired by a similar post (Confessions of a Hopeless Introvert), and I decided to come up with my own list of reasons why I’m alone. Only my list doesn’t just explain my current relationship status (single) but my seemingly permanent one (forever alone girl?). Being a psychology major, naturally I am a bit crazy, and of course I psychoanalyse myself!
So here are the results of my self-analysis – my 20 reasons why I have never had a boyfriend:

     1. I’m an introvert, I’m shy AND I’m a Virgo
Not all introverts are shy, but I just so happen to be both.
Whether you believe in star signs or not, I am also the poster-child of a Virgo girl – organised, critical and I keep my emotions hidden (I can appear cold). With these 3 factors combined I can be a socially awkward mess!

     2.I have trust issues
I was raised to be very cynical about everyone I meet, and to always think about people’s ulterior motives.
My parents’ loveless (and at times quite spiteful) marriage also makes me question whether the whole ‘true love’ thing and ‘soul-mates’ really exist.

Suspicious Homer Simpson

     3. I don’t get out enough 
I’m a homebody. I enjoy putting on my trackies (track pants), dressing gown and slippers, and then snacking on chocolate or something equally delicious in front of the TV. I also don’t have a lot of spare time and money to be going out so often. This means that I don’t put myself in enough social situations that could lead me to meeting a potential future boyfriend.

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     4. I’m picky
I’m only interested in guys who:
a) I find physically attractive b) are not players c) have some similar interests and d) can make me laugh.
Seems reasonable enough, right? The first two criterion are what I have trouble with. It is rare that I am attracted to someone – so much so that for a while I actually thought I was asexual! Also, the only places I am ever approached by guys are in clubs and pubs – which is basically where most guys go looking for a one night stand. No thank you.

        5. My friends are better looking than me (I’m invisible)
Here is a perfect example. A couple of months ago my friends and I were out at a club. We had just ordered a delicious cocktail jug, and we were pouring it into each of our glasses. Next thing I know, I turn around and this super hot guy is talking to one of my friends. He doesn’t even glace in my direction. It turns out he is incredibly smart as well as good looking, but my friend wasn’t overly excited about it (she is used to being hit on).  She still gave him her number and later agreed to go on a date. One date later and she says she isn’t really interested. I pretend to sympathise while at the same time feeling like shaking her. Good looking guys just seem to look straight past me and only notice my friends. I also often have people (woman, men, old and young) crash into me on street because they didn’t see me there. I am invisible.

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     6. I don’t know how to flirt
I will only think of something cute or witty to say several hours after the conversation, or I don’t even realise at all when someone is trying to flirt with me.

     7. I don’t have a lot of friends
Everyone knows that one of the best ways to meet new guys is through friends of friends. This is obviously an issue when you don’t have a lot of friends. I prefer to have a small, close, trustworthy group of friends than be part of a huge social circle. Granted, I could do with more friends in my circle but I take a while to trust people, and I’m almost as selective with my friends as I am with guys.

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    8. I’m average-looking & I like to dress comfortably 
Guys are just not into me because appearance-wise I look pretty average. I just don’t draw their attention (see reason #5). No gorgeous voluminous locks, or exotic dark tan,or super long lashes. Just me; fair skinned, slim, with straight brown hair and blue-grey eyes. I also like to dress comfortably. This means you can often find me wearing a pair of skinny jeans, converse shoes and a t-shirt. It’s comfy, but it’s not sexy or attention-grabbing, but I just can’t get the motivation to get dressed up to go shopping or to the movies. On a night out I will dress up nicely, but even then I am still the very average-looking girl.

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     9. I get the urge to flee or reject a guy when they approach me
I have no experience talking to attractive guys who are interested in me. So when I am in that situation (very rarely) I freak the hell out and try to make an excuse to get away from him and back to the safety of my friends. Often I may not even be sure if I’m attracted to the guy before I flee. This anxiety often makes me seem hostile or cold, which is so not who I really am.

     10. I went to an all-girls high school
I never made guy friends during high school, had the chance to be asked to the school formal in the corridors, or learned how to talk to guys I like. You may think this is irrelevant now, at age 22, but it’s not. I missed that basic foundation of dating life that would help me once I left school.

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     11. I lived at home while I studied at university
Growing up I’d watch American films and TV shows where kids leaving high school would on to ‘college’ (uni), which would mean moving out of their parents house into a dorm room. This is not very common in Australia to do, as most people keep living at home and make the commute to uni by public transport. I feel like living at college is an experience that I could have really benefited from. It would have been an opportunity to make more friends than I did during my time at uni (not many) and maybe get a chance to date somebody, but it was far too expensive.

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     12. All the guys I’m attracted to already have a girlfriend
Don’t they always?

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     13. I don’t enjoy clubbing & drinking a lot, or dancing in public
Now you probably think I’m a complete bore. But, whatever. Who in their 20’s doesn’t enjoy these things? Me…
I explained why I don’t like clubbing and drinking in my last post. As for dancing in public…as I said I am shy!
The problem is, a lot of girls meet their boyfriends in clubs, they dance with them and alcohol helps to make sure everything runs smoothly.

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14. I suffer from BRF (Bitchy Resting Face)
See my first post

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     15. I worry about a guy I like finding out how inexperienced I am
And as the years pass the more embarrassing it gets.

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     16. I don’t want the same thing boys want at my age
I’m sure you can guess this one.

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17. I worry about what my friends think
My main opportunity to meet guys is at bars and clubs. On the very rare occasion that I’ll go and someone approaches me I am constantly aware that my friends are watching the whole time. They know my lack of experience, and I feel embarrassed with them peeking over at me, and I guess judging me and/or the guy I am talking to. I know I shouldn’t give a damn, because they are my friends and they really do care about me, but it bothers me nevertheless.

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     18. The boys I like don’t seem interested, the ones I don’t like at all wont leave me alone
I guess most girls can relate to this one!

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     19. I’m reluctant to date people I’ve met online
Is it so much to want my first boyfriend to be someone I met in the real world? I wouldn’t mind stooping to online dating so much if I actually had dating experience in the first place.

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     20. Not proactive – fear of rejection
My anxiety about being publicly rejected and humiliated stops me from approaching guys myself. I’m certain nearly all of the time that the person I like is completely out of my league (which may not be that far from the truth).

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If you’re still there you are probably exhausted by the almost novel-length list and certain that I am super neurotic, or you have had a fit on the floor from all the flashy gifs. Sorry about that, I got a bit carried away!

Can you at all relate to my nauseatingly long list of reasons why I don’t have a boyfriend?


113 thoughts on “20 Reasons Why I’ve Never had a Boyfriend

  1. I’m an Aries. Well, Pisces at heart. But although the I did have one boyfriend in highschool…I relate to all of those things. So I really do understand. Damn.

  2. I’m a sophemore in high school and I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I feel that I won’t ever find someone because of my hard shell. I’ve asked around and people find me intimidating because of my “intelligence” and that I take school seriously.

  3. Those are literally all the reasons why I’ve never had a bf at 20 except for 8, 11, and 20. And I’m a Virgo too! Are we the same person or are we?!

  4. We’re so similar. I was reading and was like, is that me or what. I am seriously in a predicament, I don’t know what to do. I do want to date too, hell, I am nearing 20!

  5. Lol. Is this even my story? I’m seeing myself while I’m reading this, totally me! We have the same dilemma, my friend. I’m on my 20s too and never had a boyfriend with these kind of reasons.

  6. For a moment, I thought you were me. This is exactly me ,everyone thinks that I am a completely b***h but in reality I’m just chilling minding my one business and when I don’t laugh they think I’m super serious and negative. When in reality they’re just not funny.

  7. I can really can relate to this! I’m 20 and never had a boyfriend. Maybe one day somehow a miracle will happen for us.

  8. This is literally my life. I’m almost 20 and I’ve never even kissed anyone. My big sister has always been the “pretty one” while I’m the average not so pretty one.

  9. I’m a Pisces 100%, and I relate to every single one of these points! Especially the resting bitch face, haha! I’ve always been friends with very extroverted people for some reason, and I’m comfortable just blending into the background. I think I just like hiding in peoples shadows to be honest..

  10. WOW I relate to almost every reason you’ve listed here! I’m almost out of my 20s and have never had a boyfriend.

    It’s just really frustrating and disheartening, and I get the feeling of just not caring anymore and going on with life. Because yeah, nobody NEEDS a partner to survive but that doesn’t mean we don’t WANT one. A lot of female friends and coworkers I know are too bubbly and optimistic (at least to me) and keep on saying, “Oh, you’ll find him one day” and don’t understand why I have a cynical outlook. To me, these people mean well, but they’ve had SOs or husbands at some point in their lives already, whereas I have never had.

    I always seem to get the guys who are just fresh out of high school (I have a young looking face, so people tend to think I’m in my late teens), the creepers (they stare at people without blinking and have this dead expression on their face constantly), the guys who think they are God’s gift to women, the guys on online dating sites who think that a message of “Hey” or “You’re hot” or “Sup gorgeous” is enough to interest me, or men 50 years old and even older. Who knew that dressing in business casual style/classic style and making sure you have a neat and tidy appearance drew those types in? But the guys who are closer to my age, are intelligent, sweet, and mature don’t even look at me.

  11. This write up is the story of my life…I felt like I wrote this …everything from shy to all girls high school to staying at home to comfortable clothes…this os what has happened to me too…but what’s the solution ?

  12. I can totally relate! I am 24, and have never been in a relationship. Not to say I haven’t tried. I have been on many first dates, but either I like him and he only wants a one night stand (which I will not do) or he likes me and I am not into him at all. The nicest guys have boyfriends and I agree with every single word in number 4. 15 is also a big problem for me, a virgin at nearly 25 years old, it’s not good. Same with 17 due to the same reason. I am also a virgo and dress comfortably. I am probably a little above average looking (red hair, blue eyes) but I am tall, most guys are the same height as me and many are shorter. I have made the mistake a few too many times now of meeting good looking guys while seated, ageed to go on a date, and then see that the top of their head reaches my nose. Not attractive.

  13. Wow. This is so me. I’m in my thirties and haven’t got a boyfriend yet. Guys I like mostly have married or have girlfriend, guys that chased me, I’m not feel comfort with them. It’s so frustrating!

  14. Please don’t leave it too late..I can relate to most of this..I’ve never had a boyfriend ever and I’m now 45..bit late now.

  15. I am 19 still nbsb and i can say that we are the same in attitude in love life. yeah i like a guy once but i guess its over because he stop flirting at me or something and now he has new girlfriend. At first it makes me sick but I am tring to move on and accept what is reality. someday somebody will gonna love us. Lets wait for the right guy that make us the right woman in their lives.

  16. Read all of this and for a second thought I had written this. I think it’s also because I don’t have enough respect for myself that I constantly find myself comparing myself to people around me and then coming to a conclusion myself that I will never be up to par and why even bother trying.

  17. I can relate to most of this. Especially the average looking and comfortable dressing part. Bitch resting face and all. I’m also very much afraid when guys make advances, and mostly only guys I don’t like approach me.

  18. I’m 21 and going on 22 this August and I can’t believe how perfectly summed up this article is on about me. I’m not Virgo, I’m Leo but it’s the RBF that makes me look cold! I really would enjoy to read more of your blog and articles like these because they give me a bit of life in this stupid singledom. But better to be alone than with bad company. Do more articles please! 🙂

  19. OMG 😮 I never thought an article would describe me so perfectly,lol :))
    Btw..I’m 21 years old and i’m in the same situation as you and i want to say that doesn’t matter to me because i don’t rush. I wait for the right guy and i’m proud of myself because i don’t want to be like other girls nowadays,I want to be diffrent and in the first place, i want to be me no matter what society says to me.

  20. Oh my soul. I feel like you’ve been watching me my whole life and wrote this post about me! Everything in this list is me! 1 to 20! All of it! Ugh! I think I’m going to die alone.

  21. I was surprised how well your post fits my situation as I am 22-year-old guy. I’ve always lacked the self-confidence to talk to girls, and I had rhotacism for 18 years so that didn’t really help things. I’ve have had some crushes over the years, but I never got the courage to go and speak to them. I’m also quite intoverted and like to spend time alone so I don’t get a lot of opportunities for meeting new people. I am confident that I will find someone eventually, but I hope it’d happen sooner rather than later. Loneliness is not too great feeling.

  22. I thought I was the only one I’m nearly 22 amd mever had a boyfriend or even kissed a boy before. I’m concerned about my inexperience at such a late age and about what to say when faced with the question ‘how long have you been single for?’ Or ‘when was your last relationship?’ I don’t like lying but I’m scared people will think I’m a freak. I’ve fancied guys before but never had the courage to do anything about it and I’ve had opportubities before but I just se to have this barrier that comes up when it vomes to relationships. I’ve mever been hurt before andy parents relationship was good (Dad passed away a few yeats ago) Daf wasn’t iny life for the first 6 years but when he was he was amazing we had a good father daughter relationship just lile any other and Mum and Dad had an amazing relationship so I’ve no idea where this barrier comes from.

  23. I can relate 100% to your post. I’m super embarrassed by my inexperience that it makes it hard for me to open up to guys. Plus it’s super hard to find someone to connect with – picky much..lol.. I just hope that I meet someone who wouldn’t judge but who’s understanding about all this. Thanks for this post. Now I know that I’m not alone.

  24. I’m a virgo, too. I come off as a detached and an aloof person who has no feelings. Who would want to date such a person, right? I relate to every single point, obviously.

    I’m going to turn twenty one this August, and I have never even kissed a guy. And I think I’m quite good looking. Flat chested, but good looking. And I’m quite a decent person, too. So seriously, what IS it? Why do I have no guy in my life? I sometimes can’t help but wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with me.

  25. Are you me? I’m 22, libra, the same physical description ,shy,introverted, never had a boyfriend and EVERY single thing that you said it applies to me .This is too freaky.

  26. I’m 20 and also never had a boyfriend. This post is so relatable. Every single point I was just like “Yes, this is so me”. Glad to know I’m not alone in my struggle.

  27. So, Chica, I am 22, a full time Journalist, live at home with my parents (who just happen to be the perfect example of finding true love)…but reading this, I feel like I’m you. lol…except I socialize more and don’t really have the cold exterior thing going on, but I do feel your pain…I think a couple girls like us should come together and work up a strategy, lol.

  28. Hi, im 17 and i feel totally the same
    Except for 10 and 11, everything is the same. I’m constantly torn between being myself ( because they should love me for who i am), and changing myself (because who wants a shy, mediocer girl?)
    Does anyone have some tips for me?
    I’m so lost and am really doubting myself? Am i that ugly or not worth it, that no one wants me?

    • You are totally worth it. Just learn to accept yourself for who you are and love yourself. A guy will not bring extra love, he’ll be only a reflection of how much you lov e yourself. I’m pretty sure that you are awesome. So, find a hobby, have fun with your friends and live life. Guys will come along. It’s all about timing. Don’t try to be someone else : you’re amazing just the way you are. It’s what my mom told me. I hope it helps

  29. It’s good know that there are lots of other people in this situation, I am in agreement with nearly your reasons..
    I keep telling myself to try new things so I can meet new people but that makes me really nervous,

  30. I have social anxiety disorder and get panic attacks so I don’t get any chances with guys because i never leave the house. Also most of the reasons on the article are the same for me😫😧

  31. Wow, I seriously feel like you were describing me. I turned 23 this September and I have never had a boyfriend or even have my first kiss. I am extremely shy and I feel like I would never find someone that would like me just the way I am. Of course guys have chased after me before, but never the ones I like.

  32. Wow, it’s kinda creepy for me to realize, that I can relate to a lot of points you mentioned! Thus, I want to say, that not everything you said is a bad thing, like for example being picky or having trust issues. It’s good to have some standards because, you surely don’t want to pick the first idiot, that runs into you. Another reason, you didn’t mention is your self esteem, which I can’t judge, but I guess you might know, people are seeing you the way you see yourself and you are the only one being in charge of it, so do something about it 🙂 just never stop being yourself, because that is the most attractive thing you can do! Because boyfriends don’t require searching, they’ll come if the time is right 🙂 i have a lot of experience talking about this, i never really had a boyfriend either (i am 19) and I have been so impatient, but now I know, having a boyfriend does not mean you can’t be happy 🙂 all I want to say is, don’t think about it too much and do what you love and someday there may be a special person coming into your life, when you least expect it 🙂

  33. OMG. this is 100% me .. im turning 22 this year and boom still boyfriendless 😂 all of the reasons you posted here (except the one when u said that u went into an all girls school) is soooooo Me 👌👌👌😂 it’s like…. idk. i’m scared of commitments , don’t like rejections , have MAJOR trust issues (broken family✋) , I don’t go out much, I suck at socializing, I don’t have close friends or even a close family member i’m just alone all the time coz IM SHY AS F*&% !! ugh. IDK what to do. i hate myself for being like this..

  34. We are almost exactly the same. I’m 19 and I never dated, kissed and have a boyfriend. Almost all your reasons are the same reason why I never had one. Another reason is that I’m used to doing things on my own and I’m independent. When ever I think that I’ll have a boyfriend, I’ll think that I might be dependent on him and I won’t like it. So…. 😐

  35. I am 25 and I have never had a boyfriend lol. I also thought it was about me except I studied abroad and lived in dorm but still managed not to have a boyfriend or friends. I am glad I am not the only one and I have never kissed anyone and the guy I have been loving within the last 3 years is getting married. Can it be worse?! I doubt… 😦

  36. I know this is quite old, but you are pretty much my spirit animal, it seems we’re very similar personality wise, to the point where I could have written this; I also live at home and went to an all girls school, clubbing and pubs aren’t my thing and only the boys I’m not interested in are interested in me 😂 Although I do think I’m asexual but I’m glad to have come across this to know that that there’s people out there who are in a similar situation as me.

  37. I am almost exactly the same way. I have probably been on like 2 dates in my life (if you can even call them that) and have never been kissed. We do have a few differences though. Like I’m not guarded, but I think that there is too much emphasis placed on being vulnerable anyways. It really much smarter to have someone earn your trust to be able to figure out who you are then for you to just go in there guns blazing. And though I don’t have people ever pursue me, even if I don’t like them, I’d rather be alone for now and sometimes feel self conscious then be with the wrong person.

    I relate to so so many things you said too though. I am also picky to the point that I thought that I had something wrong with me for a while. My problem is that I can’t just look at someone and think “wow, I could see myself banging that shit right now”. I only become physically attracted to someone when personality is involved. It always takes a while for me. I think that that is more common then people seem to think. I guess that maybe I’m just to busy to really meet people. It’s still hard though, but this post actually helps a lot in letting me know that I’m not alone 🙂

  38. I am 23, single and never had a boyfriend. This is so much relatable. But my main reason is that I am insecure about my body.

  39. I feel like I’m writing all that stuff. I’m almost 20 and never been in love or never had a boyfriend. And I’m happy.😊

  40. I relate to this so strongly! (The only difference is that I’m a Leo which is what makes me feel even more lonely as I should be out-going and confident, but I’m horribly shy!!) I’m really scared that I’ll never meet someone who will like me, and that if I do, they won’t meet my expectations. Thank you for writing this article because in now feel a tiny bit less alone.

  41. My twin sister and I are 25 and we never had boyfriends. It really upsets that everyone else has one and is married already while we both never experience having a man in our lives. Everytime I’m attracted to a guy, he’s taken. Then we’re both being hit on by creepers and other guys whom we’re not attracted too. I tried online dating and it didn’t work well. Half the time I feel like forcing myself out there. After reading this post, most of it seems to relate to our situation. Thank you for posting it.

  42. i am turning 24 in october. I totally relate. But am now gaining confidence in my self as i realized i am not the only one with these worries. and i think once one starts there is no going back. so here’s to finding the first boyfriend

  43. This list is hilarious and honestly SO relatable! Like literally every single thing you said applies to me! I’m 22 currently, slim, straight dirty-blonde hair, blue eyes, love to dress comfy and also soo not a fan of dancing or clubbing! Also, while it’s kind of cringy for me to admit I too went through a phase where I legit thought I was asexual because I am SOOO picky about guys! Like you, I also have a small group of friends, suck at flirting, and the flee when a guy starts talking to me is literally my signature move! I’ve never related to a post more! haha now I need to stalk your blog to see if you have made any progress with relationships! Wish you the best girl! Hopefully one day we can overcome our fears/anxiety of talking to boys to allow a relationship the CHANCE of happening! Maybe you already have! 🙂

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