20 Reasons Why I’ve Never had a Boyfriend

Yes, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I am 22 years old I have never had a boyfriend.

With Valentines Day coming up (the day of the year I most resent) I was inspired by a similar post (Confessions of a Hopeless Introvert), and I decided to come up with my own list of reasons why I’m alone. Only my list doesn’t just explain my current relationship status (single) but my seemingly permanent one (forever alone girl?). Being a psychology major, naturally I am a bit crazy, and of course I psychoanalyse myself!
So here are the results of my self-analysis – my 20 reasons why I have never had a boyfriend:

     1. I’m an introvert, I’m shy AND I’m a Virgo
Not all introverts are shy, but I just so happen to be both.
Whether you believe in star signs or not, I am also the poster-child of a Virgo girl – organised, critical and I keep my emotions hidden (I can appear cold). With these 3 factors combined I can be a socially awkward mess!

     2.I have trust issues
I was raised to be very cynical about everyone I meet, and to always think about people’s ulterior motives.
My parents’ loveless (and at times quite spiteful) marriage also makes me question whether the whole ‘true love’ thing and ‘soul-mates’ really exist.

Suspicious Homer Simpson

     3. I don’t get out enough 
I’m a homebody. I enjoy putting on my trackies (track pants), dressing gown and slippers, and then snacking on chocolate or something equally delicious in front of the TV. I also don’t have a lot of spare time and money to be going out so often. This means that I don’t put myself in enough social situations that could lead me to meeting a potential future boyfriend.

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     4. I’m picky
I’m only interested in guys who:
a) I find physically attractive b) are not players c) have some similar interests and d) can make me laugh.
Seems reasonable enough, right? The first two criterion are what I have trouble with. It is rare that I am attracted to someone – so much so that for a while I actually thought I was asexual! Also, the only places I am ever approached by guys are in clubs and pubs – which is basically where most guys go looking for a one night stand. No thank you.

        5. My friends are better looking than me (I’m invisible)
Here is a perfect example. A couple of months ago my friends and I were out at a club. We had just ordered a delicious cocktail jug, and we were pouring it into each of our glasses. Next thing I know, I turn around and this super hot guy is talking to one of my friends. He doesn’t even glace in my direction. It turns out he is incredibly smart as well as good looking, but my friend wasn’t overly excited about it (she is used to being hit on).  She still gave him her number and later agreed to go on a date. One date later and she says she isn’t really interested. I pretend to sympathise while at the same time feeling like shaking her. Good looking guys just seem to look straight past me and only notice my friends. I also often have people (woman, men, old and young) crash into me on street because they didn’t see me there. I am invisible.

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     6. I don’t know how to flirt
I will only think of something cute or witty to say several hours after the conversation, or I don’t even realise at all when someone is trying to flirt with me.

     7. I don’t have a lot of friends
Everyone knows that one of the best ways to meet new guys is through friends of friends. This is obviously an issue when you don’t have a lot of friends. I prefer to have a small, close, trustworthy group of friends than be part of a huge social circle. Granted, I could do with more friends in my circle but I take a while to trust people, and I’m almost as selective with my friends as I am with guys.

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    8. I’m average-looking & I like to dress comfortably 
Guys are just not into me because appearance-wise I look pretty average. I just don’t draw their attention (see reason #5). No gorgeous voluminous locks, or exotic dark tan,or super long lashes. Just me; fair skinned, slim, with straight brown hair and blue-grey eyes. I also like to dress comfortably. This means you can often find me wearing a pair of skinny jeans, converse shoes and a t-shirt. It’s comfy, but it’s not sexy or attention-grabbing, but I just can’t get the motivation to get dressed up to go shopping or to the movies. On a night out I will dress up nicely, but even then I am still the very average-looking girl.

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     9. I get the urge to flee or reject a guy when they approach me
I have no experience talking to attractive guys who are interested in me. So when I am in that situation (very rarely) I freak the hell out and try to make an excuse to get away from him and back to the safety of my friends. Often I may not even be sure if I’m attracted to the guy before I flee. This anxiety often makes me seem hostile or cold, which is so not who I really am.

     10. I went to an all-girls high school
I never made guy friends during high school, had the chance to be asked to the school formal in the corridors, or learned how to talk to guys I like. You may think this is irrelevant now, at age 22, but it’s not. I missed that basic foundation of dating life that would help me once I left school.

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     11. I lived at home while I studied at university
Growing up I’d watch American films and TV shows where kids leaving high school would on to ‘college’ (uni), which would mean moving out of their parents house into a dorm room. This is not very common in Australia to do, as most people keep living at home and make the commute to uni by public transport. I feel like living at college is an experience that I could have really benefited from. It would have been an opportunity to make more friends than I did during my time at uni (not many) and maybe get a chance to date somebody, but it was far too expensive.

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     12. All the guys I’m attracted to already have a girlfriend
Don’t they always?

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     13. I don’t enjoy clubbing & drinking a lot, or dancing in public
Now you probably think I’m a complete bore. But, whatever. Who in their 20’s doesn’t enjoy these things? Me…
I explained why I don’t like clubbing and drinking in my last post. As for dancing in public…as I said I am shy!
The problem is, a lot of girls meet their boyfriends in clubs, they dance with them and alcohol helps to make sure everything runs smoothly.

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14. I suffer from BRF (Bitchy Resting Face)
See my first post

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     15. I worry about a guy I like finding out how inexperienced I am
And as the years pass the more embarrassing it gets.

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     16. I don’t want the same thing boys want at my age
I’m sure you can guess this one.

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17. I worry about what my friends think
My main opportunity to meet guys is at bars and clubs. On the very rare occasion that I’ll go and someone approaches me I am constantly aware that my friends are watching the whole time. They know my lack of experience, and I feel embarrassed with them peeking over at me, and I guess judging me and/or the guy I am talking to. I know I shouldn’t give a damn, because they are my friends and they really do care about me, but it bothers me nevertheless.

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     18. The boys I like don’t seem interested, the ones I don’t like at all wont leave me alone
I guess most girls can relate to this one!

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     19. I’m reluctant to date people I’ve met online
Is it so much to want my first boyfriend to be someone I met in the real world? I wouldn’t mind stooping to online dating so much if I actually had dating experience in the first place.

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     20. Not proactive – fear of rejection
My anxiety about being publicly rejected and humiliated stops me from approaching guys myself. I’m certain nearly all of the time that the person I like is completely out of my league (which may not be that far from the truth).

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If you’re still there you are probably exhausted by the almost novel-length list and certain that I am super neurotic, or you have had a fit on the floor from all the flashy gifs. Sorry about that, I got a bit carried away!

Can you at all relate to my nauseatingly long list of reasons why I don’t have a boyfriend?


121 thoughts on “20 Reasons Why I’ve Never had a Boyfriend

  1. I don’t even go out with friends or to bars/clubs because I’m an introvert and can’t stand those places. My friends are just… gone? I suppose… I have crushes here and there but I just keep those to myself until they’re gone. Today I happened to say “hi” to my crush but he just ignored me, it hurt a lot but what can I do. (I’m 100% sure he knew I was there and everything because he actually turned around to see who was talking, but he just stared at me indifferently and turned around…) sad life… I hope everyone here has better luck than me~

  2. I’m turning 21 next month and I felt like it was me saying all the things you wrote in your blog. I am also from Australia and live at home with my parents while I’m studying at uni (it’s just cheaper to live at home and save money)! My family are quite awkward when it comes to “potential boyfriends” who I rarely go out on a date with. Like I’ve probably only been on 3 dates ever (if you can even call them that) and I am also very picky, I have an idea of what I want my significant other to be like and the guys that have been and are in my life do not fit that description….. every single dot point you mentioned in your blog IS my life… I also hate clubbing as well but who goes to a club to find a boyfriend? Most of the guys there aren’t looking for girlfriends but one night stands…..
    Anyway…. thankyou for writing this, it makes me feel less alone in this world.

  3. Omg I relate so much to this its scarey! Everything from feeling super shy to plain, invisible and terrified. Thankyou for posting I actually feel better and not so alone after reading it. (btw you actually sound like a really cool person) Xx

  4. Oh, My God!!! We are twins! I didn’t attend an all-girls high school but everything else is me to a “T.” From the parents to the shyness.My MBTI type is INTJ; very few women have this personality type: Educated, ambitious, direct, kind of like Hillary Clinton(this is also why I felt like I knew her on a personal level). This means I intimidate guys by just being smart as well.
    I’m a couple years older than you. I figure that my anxiety about dating stems from being raped in college. I also have no idea how to talk to guys. I am deathly afraid of being hurt, rejected, or assaulted. I’ve also been focused on building my career so it’s just a combination that screams “get away from this girl!” I was always taller than everyone in my class so no guy was interested in me. I was a super duper minority throughout K-12 schooling. I often was the only person of color in my classes–this also meants that guys weren’t attracted to me based solely on my skin color.
    Please keep us updated on things that have worked for you!
    You have a new reader!!

  5. I am 20 turning 21 this year and I too have never had a boyfriend or anything close to that with a guy. It really sucks because I thought at this point in my life I would have had at least one guy be interested in me. Growing up sadly all I really wanted was a boyfriend, from elementary school I remember having those thoughts. But now I’m starting to lose hope. I too am VERY shy and introverted and related to 19/20 I believe of your post. It just really sucks, it’s really making me wonder what is wrong with me and worries me I’m never going to find anybody and I’m going to be single forever.

  6. I’ve never felt more related to a post on the internet as I did to this one. My pal I feel you, I’m 21 and hate the simple idea of spending a friday/saturday night in a club with uncomfortable clothes and drunk. I’m a series and books maniac and usually also that leads to setting the bar higher than the average, the guys around me are full time idiots and ugly, the ones that I liked were 1) a nerd turned into fuckboy 2) a guy who seemed mature but ended up being indecisive as a kid I just don’t seem to find a someone so, let’s raise a glass on that.

  7. I am a guy. Want a boyfriend? Always be alone, walk alone & do all your stuff in social places; library etc alone. Never be engulfed by friends. The only type of boyfriends who can muster the courage & pick a girl from a group are the experienced ones who happen to be players, who I believe you don’t want. So if your boyfriend-to-be approaches you, give him a smile. Dont act wierd otherwise he will think you already have a bf. And as a lady, you dont need to worry about being inexperienced, its the guys who should worry of that. Your work is only to smile and make the conversation going. Also, good bfs who are trustworthy are never found in clubs

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