Yes, as embarrassing as it is to admit, I am 22 years old I have never had a boyfriend.
With Valentines Day coming up (the day of the year I most resent) I was inspired by a similar post (Confessions of a Hopeless Introvert), and I decided to come up with my own list of reasons why I’m alone. Only my list doesn’t just explain my current relationship status (single) but my seemingly permanent one (forever alone girl?). Being a psychology major, naturally I am a bit crazy, and of course I psychoanalyse myself!
So here are the results of my self-analysis – my 20 reasons why I have never had a boyfriend:
1. I’m an introvert, I’m shy AND I’m a Virgo
Not all introverts are shy, but I just so happen to be both.
Whether you believe in star signs or not, I am also the poster-child of a Virgo girl – organised, critical and I keep my emotions hidden (I can appear cold). With these 3 factors combined I can be a socially awkward mess!
2.I have trust issues
I was raised to be very cynical about everyone I meet, and to always think about people’s ulterior motives.
My parents’ loveless (and at times quite spiteful) marriage also makes me question whether the whole ‘true love’ thing and ‘soul-mates’ really exist.
3. I don’t get out enough
I’m a homebody. I enjoy putting on my trackies (track pants), dressing gown and slippers, and then snacking on chocolate or something equally delicious in front of the TV. I also don’t have a lot of spare time and money to be going out so often. This means that I don’t put myself in enough social situations that could lead me to meeting a potential future boyfriend.
4. I’m picky
I’m only interested in guys who:
a) I find physically attractive b) are not players c) have some similar interests and d) can make me laugh.
Seems reasonable enough, right? The first two criterion are what I have trouble with. It is rare that I am attracted to someone – so much so that for a while I actually thought I was asexual! Also, the only places I am ever approached by guys are in clubs and pubs – which is basically where most guys go looking for a one night stand. No thank you.
5. My friends are better looking than me (I’m invisible)
Here is a perfect example. A couple of months ago my friends and I were out at a club. We had just ordered a delicious cocktail jug, and we were pouring it into each of our glasses. Next thing I know, I turn around and this super hot guy is talking to one of my friends. He doesn’t even glace in my direction. It turns out he is incredibly smart as well as good looking, but my friend wasn’t overly excited about it (she is used to being hit on). She still gave him her number and later agreed to go on a date. One date later and she says she isn’t really interested. I pretend to sympathise while at the same time feeling like shaking her. Good looking guys just seem to look straight past me and only notice my friends. I also often have people (woman, men, old and young) crash into me on street because they didn’t see me there. I am invisible.
6. I don’t know how to flirt
I will only think of something cute or witty to say several hours after the conversation, or I don’t even realise at all when someone is trying to flirt with me.
7. I don’t have a lot of friends
Everyone knows that one of the best ways to meet new guys is through friends of friends. This is obviously an issue when you don’t have a lot of friends. I prefer to have a small, close, trustworthy group of friends than be part of a huge social circle. Granted, I could do with more friends in my circle but I take a while to trust people, and I’m almost as selective with my friends as I am with guys.
8. I’m average-looking & I like to dress comfortably
Guys are just not into me because appearance-wise I look pretty average. I just don’t draw their attention (see reason #5). No gorgeous voluminous locks, or exotic dark tan,or super long lashes. Just me; fair skinned, slim, with straight brown hair and blue-grey eyes. I also like to dress comfortably. This means you can often find me wearing a pair of skinny jeans, converse shoes and a t-shirt. It’s comfy, but it’s not sexy or attention-grabbing, but I just can’t get the motivation to get dressed up to go shopping or to the movies. On a night out I will dress up nicely, but even then I am still the very average-looking girl.
9. I get the urge to flee or reject a guy when they approach me
I have no experience talking to attractive guys who are interested in me. So when I am in that situation (very rarely) I freak the hell out and try to make an excuse to get away from him and back to the safety of my friends. Often I may not even be sure if I’m attracted to the guy before I flee. This anxiety often makes me seem hostile or cold, which is so not who I really am.
10. I went to an all-girls high school
I never made guy friends during high school, had the chance to be asked to the school formal in the corridors, or learned how to talk to guys I like. You may think this is irrelevant now, at age 22, but it’s not. I missed that basic foundation of dating life that would help me once I left school.
11. I lived at home while I studied at university
Growing up I’d watch American films and TV shows where kids leaving high school would on to ‘college’ (uni), which would mean moving out of their parents house into a dorm room. This is not very common in Australia to do, as most people keep living at home and make the commute to uni by public transport. I feel like living at college is an experience that I could have really benefited from. It would have been an opportunity to make more friends than I did during my time at uni (not many) and maybe get a chance to date somebody, but it was far too expensive.
12. All the guys I’m attracted to already have a girlfriend
Don’t they always?
13. I don’t enjoy clubbing & drinking a lot, or dancing in public
Now you probably think I’m a complete bore. But, whatever. Who in their 20’s doesn’t enjoy these things? Me…
I explained why I don’t like clubbing and drinking in my last post. As for dancing in public…as I said I am shy!
The problem is, a lot of girls meet their boyfriends in clubs, they dance with them and alcohol helps to make sure everything runs smoothly.
14. I suffer from BRF (Bitchy Resting Face)
See my first post
15. I worry about a guy I like finding out how inexperienced I am
And as the years pass the more embarrassing it gets.
16. I don’t want the same thing boys want at my age
I’m sure you can guess this one.
17. I worry about what my friends think
My main opportunity to meet guys is at bars and clubs. On the very rare occasion that I’ll go and someone approaches me I am constantly aware that my friends are watching the whole time. They know my lack of experience, and I feel embarrassed with them peeking over at me, and I guess judging me and/or the guy I am talking to. I know I shouldn’t give a damn, because they are my friends and they really do care about me, but it bothers me nevertheless.
18. The boys I like don’t seem interested, the ones I don’t like at all wont leave me alone
I guess most girls can relate to this one!
19. I’m reluctant to date people I’ve met online
Is it so much to want my first boyfriend to be someone I met in the real world? I wouldn’t mind stooping to online dating so much if I actually had dating experience in the first place.
20. Not proactive – fear of rejection
My anxiety about being publicly rejected and humiliated stops me from approaching guys myself. I’m certain nearly all of the time that the person I like is completely out of my league (which may not be that far from the truth).
If you’re still there you are probably exhausted by the almost novel-length list and certain that I am super neurotic, or you have had a fit on the floor from all the flashy gifs. Sorry about that, I got a bit carried away!
Can you at all relate to my nauseatingly long list of reasons why I don’t have a boyfriend?
IntrovertedNess 
I don’t even go out with friends or to bars/clubs because I’m an introvert and can’t stand those places. My friends are just… gone? I suppose… I have crushes here and there but I just keep those to myself until they’re gone. Today I happened to say “hi” to my crush but he just ignored me, it hurt a lot but what can I do. (I’m 100% sure he knew I was there and everything because he actually turned around to see who was talking, but he just stared at me indifferently and turned around…) sad life… I hope everyone here has better luck than me~
That happened to me. But I asked out my chrush and he said no😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭(my life is sad)
I’m turning 21 next month and I felt like it was me saying all the things you wrote in your blog. I am also from Australia and live at home with my parents while I’m studying at uni (it’s just cheaper to live at home and save money)! My family are quite awkward when it comes to “potential boyfriends” who I rarely go out on a date with. Like I’ve probably only been on 3 dates ever (if you can even call them that) and I am also very picky, I have an idea of what I want my significant other to be like and the guys that have been and are in my life do not fit that description….. every single dot point you mentioned in your blog IS my life… I also hate clubbing as well but who goes to a club to find a boyfriend? Most of the guys there aren’t looking for girlfriends but one night stands…..
Anyway…. thankyou for writing this, it makes me feel less alone in this world.
Omg I relate so much to this its scarey! Everything from feeling super shy to plain, invisible and terrified. Thankyou for posting I actually feel better and not so alone after reading it. (btw you actually sound like a really cool person) Xx
Oh, My God!!! We are twins! I didn’t attend an all-girls high school but everything else is me to a “T.” From the parents to the shyness.My MBTI type is INTJ; very few women have this personality type: Educated, ambitious, direct, kind of like Hillary Clinton(this is also why I felt like I knew her on a personal level). This means I intimidate guys by just being smart as well.
I’m a couple years older than you. I figure that my anxiety about dating stems from being raped in college. I also have no idea how to talk to guys. I am deathly afraid of being hurt, rejected, or assaulted. I’ve also been focused on building my career so it’s just a combination that screams “get away from this girl!” I was always taller than everyone in my class so no guy was interested in me. I was a super duper minority throughout K-12 schooling. I often was the only person of color in my classes–this also meants that guys weren’t attracted to me based solely on my skin color.
Please keep us updated on things that have worked for you!
You have a new reader!!
I am INTJ too and i can relate you you all :”) can someone made a tutorial on how INTJ get a boyfriend?
I am 20 turning 21 this year and I too have never had a boyfriend or anything close to that with a guy. It really sucks because I thought at this point in my life I would have had at least one guy be interested in me. Growing up sadly all I really wanted was a boyfriend, from elementary school I remember having those thoughts. But now I’m starting to lose hope. I too am VERY shy and introverted and related to 19/20 I believe of your post. It just really sucks, it’s really making me wonder what is wrong with me and worries me I’m never going to find anybody and I’m going to be single forever.
This is so damn relatable …😱
It’s like someone describing my life 😂
I’ve never felt more related to a post on the internet as I did to this one. My pal I feel you, I’m 21 and hate the simple idea of spending a friday/saturday night in a club with uncomfortable clothes and drunk. I’m a series and books maniac and usually also that leads to setting the bar higher than the average, the guys around me are full time idiots and ugly, the ones that I liked were 1) a nerd turned into fuckboy 2) a guy who seemed mature but ended up being indecisive as a kid I just don’t seem to find a someone so, let’s raise a glass on that.
I am a guy. Want a boyfriend? Always be alone, walk alone & do all your stuff in social places; library etc alone. Never be engulfed by friends. The only type of boyfriends who can muster the courage & pick a girl from a group are the experienced ones who happen to be players, who I believe you don’t want. So if your boyfriend-to-be approaches you, give him a smile. Dont act wierd otherwise he will think you already have a bf. And as a lady, you dont need to worry about being inexperienced, its the guys who should worry of that. Your work is only to smile and make the conversation going. Also, good bfs who are trustworthy are never found in clubs
Hi. I’m an introvert. shy and a Virgo babe…
While i’m reading through your list i recognize so much of me in it.
You literally wrote about my life. It’s so funny. At least I know that i’m not alone in this world.
why do i feel like i am reading my own journal…..?this is so funny for me cos im EXACTLY the same as you
\\
Hey, omg this was so relatable. Especially the no. 15 one! Sometimes I’m worried I’m gonna be single for the rest of my life. I don’t like to go out either and I don’t drink alcohol. I’d prefer an evening at home with a good book over going to a club 100 % of the time! Really good to know I’m not alone!
Oh my god!!! Girl you got me here, as I read it -its like all my life in a blog.. I legit have never felt more relatable to anything. I am damn shy person and horribly socially awkward I don’t know why is that so but sometimes feel like I am never gonna meet someone!! Single forever squad.. Each and every word written here describes me so well !
Oh my gosh… this felt so unreal reading this lol…..how can one person experience life in the same way that I do. I mean come on. I love this post, really captures the essence of being an introvert, well it captures the essence of being me. Thank you for this.
I can relate so much to this post, it describes my circumstances to the T.
You just described me with almost every single word,I don’t have an average body,I’m chubby,fat however you want to call it and I don’t consider myself beautiful and I have only one friend,annd of course it’s a girl…the rest of what you said it’s beyond the truth,I’m 21 and I strongely think that I will end up with a bunch of cats,a girl like me can only dream about prince charming.
ok this is so me, It’s funny how life is. I was just wondering about myself never having a boyfriend when i stumbled here, I thaught that I was the only one. I guess we all have our taste in guys and can’t settle for what we don’t want. I’m 153cm on the short side and I prefer tall guys but when a short guy I barely know, and I didn’t even know his name asked me out I told him plainly no and people have been acting odd because of the way I replied, that I didn’t even think about it. But I guess one day I will find my one perfect man. All the things you wrote are so me except I’m saggitarius and I don’t go to bars or clubs. Cause sometimes I think I have SAD. Social Anxiety Disorder.
yeah im just like this list. its so annoying when my best friend is like a bf is not everything. and she sends me pictures of her bf and her going out and having fun. and i be like ur torturing me. i not tryna be desperate because im not i do have some standards…. but i feel like im about to be desperate. but i dont want my first bf to be some random guy i picked off the street. its even worse when my family is like dont worry bout boys right now. n im like,,, im 20 ive been passed the age where im attracted to the opposite sex…. n im not tryna be like my cousin 30 and still dont have anybody and it scares me. alot of people know how it feels to want someone other then friends and family to love you in a way friends and family cant love you. i have a twin sister …. identical… and she gets guys and she had bfs…. n i cant even get a text. but wen i imagine myself with a bf i imagine all the awkwardness we would have cuz idk how to kiss… except for peck kiss… but anybody can do that….. i never kissed anyone….. hugged anyone…..gave a hickey to anyone ……. touched (his) hair…. held hands…. locked arms except my with my bff….. and its even worse when you work at the mall and near it and all the couples comes out on a Saturday night….. n it reminds you how single you are… some days i dont care im single but there days wen couples are all in ur face and doing what i wish i can do to another person…. also valentines day is coming up…. n this is where it gets worse…. last year my bff”s bf took her out to eat and a whole day full of activities…. n my a$$ sits home and watches anime and family guy like every valentines day when im not working.
For a moment I thought they made an article about me!! Honestly I relate so much to EVERY SINGLE ONE of the paragraphs you wrote(apart from the all girls school). I’m 17 y/o ,and besides a bf i had when i was younger and a crush three years ago, I am not interested in guys at all for the moment. Whenever my friends look at a guy saying that he’s cute , I find myself not feeling this way.It got me thinking I’m an ace for a while,even though I dont believe that’s the case.Once after hanging out with my friends a guy came to me and began flirting with me,to which I responded with awkwardness and coldness. To this day I think I lost a chance(the boy was fine). I sometimes feel like I’m the weird one of my friends ,i think I’m pretty decent in looks,but not pretty enough to be attractive to guys. And my personality is just…weird. I don’t think I’m the kind of girl guys are attracted to. However, I don’t mind really,but it makes me feel like I’m not normal. I seek for a serious thing ,not for one night stands or “flings”,and that just makes it more difficult. I wish I was more confident and attractive😌. Like in all seriousness, other guys go and take a liking on my friends and I’m just sitting here like “Am I a joke to you?”lmao. I feel so invisible and ugly when this happens,although I’m happy for my girls. It’s kind of a struggle,really. And the family one hits hard.
I can relate to this. I am a 20 year old girl that has never had a boyfriend or have even been close to it. I have never kissed a guy either. In all honesty, I always felt abnormal or weird that I am so unexperienced especially since my sister and friends are the complete opposite. I am an average looking girl but I struggle with self-confdence and my body image. In the past guys have not treated me right nor wanted to date me. Usually guys just want to hook up but I am not comfortable doing that with someone I dont know. Its also been difficult to meet people. Like you, guys I am interested in never seem to be interested in me. Anyways, its always been a constant worry of mine and I hope one day ill meet someone who cares about me. I get down on myself a lot because of it but its a process. Ive learned that its possible to meet a good person I just need to wait for that.
This is so me. I relate to all these
I feel like I ghost wrote this, that is how accurate and relate-able it is. I am also from Australia, 21 and have never lived out of home, so commuting to uni like you it is. I also have a tiny friend group, my two best friends and a few not so close friends who I don’t really ever see because they’re all living busy lives at the moment. I’m a teetotaller (love this term, means someone who doesn’t drink alcohol), don’t really like clubbing, unless you’re playing K-pop or old 2000s music (which is extremely rare, special events only), and honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been approached by a guy. Even though I suffer from social anxiety, I feel like I am also just socially awkward in general. I feel like I can’t even hold a conversation. I also attended an all-girl’s school, so I completely get what you mean about having no exposure in that area, sometimes I feel like I can’t even TALK to boys properly. Which makes it difficult because I’ve started a sport where I’ve started to form what I believe will be good friendships with some. Also, as the result of a completely random crush on a girl in high school, I now feel even more conflicted because I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but I don’t know. I’m a complete homebody (nothing wrong with it, I love it)! But I just do not know how to flirt either, and I would actually love it if guys (and girls) came with subtitles so I knew what the hell was actually going on, I don’t think I’ve ever been hit on. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, never gone on a date, never been kissed and the list goes on. I really do feel invisible. For my 21st, I went out with my best friend to an event and even though I was dressed up and feeling beautiful, and there was this gorgeous guy there who I thought was showing interest in me, turned out he seemed more interested in her and yet she already has a boyfriend. So yeah…I get what you mean. And honestly, this may seem like too much, but I am sexually frustrated. I would like to see what a relationship is like, but I would also like to build sexual experience too and that is not happening either. Maybe one day, but honestly, it just feels like I’m stuck in quick sand and not going anywhere.
Damn.. How appropriate can it get. Seemed like someone scanned my brain and wrote this. Even the very VIRGO group of people I belong to. The only difference is that I do not even go for clubbing. Talking about feelings I must say sometimes I do not even react to it while deep down I feel that I can even listen to the juggling sounds of the broken pieces of my heart. Never understood how to start a conversation. After greetings does any proper phrase exist? I never found the exact reason why am I invisible to this world. People just can’t see me. It’s not only about the average look cause I have seen very average looking people also have a ‘Head Turning’ effect. And then there comes me- Even if I wear a Met Gala dress to a cafeteria or rescue a clan from assassination people will react in meh.
This is the exact definition of me
Hi girl. We’re in the same boat. We have all the same problems. Especially about when it comes to dressing. I sometimes prefer shirt and jeans and jersey. As long as i comfortable with it. Btw may i know if i can follow you on others social media? Fb or ig? Thanks